Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, through newspaper archives

---

On Christmas Eve, at noon MST on the Comet Network, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” airs. Although not aired in theaters, or much on TV anymore, the 1964 holiday film lasted in theaters for a decade, and played often on TV for a couple more decades. It has become legitimate cult film. I’m fascinated with the film, its durability and its history as a staple of the Saturday Kids Matinee offerings once ubiquitous in movie world.

As you can see above, we’ve researched Newspaper Archives to find examples of ads, marketing, publicity reviews, etc. to provide our readers, this holiday season, a look at how it once was for this fun, goofy film. -- Doug Gibson

At the very top is an ad for SSCTM from the Sacramento Bee, Nov. 20, 1965. Below it is a review from The New York Daily News from Dec. 17, 1964. The terms "far out" is included to describe the film. Just below is a list of films playing published in the Dec. 18, 1965 Los Angeles Times. SCCTM is playing in several theaters. As my friend David Grudt (who located most of these clips) notes, the film was playing in my hometown of Long Beach, Calif., at The Towne Theater. I was about 27 months old. Maybe my parents took me to the show! Who knows?

Here are a couple of previously published reviews of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. The first is from my co-blogger, Steve D. Stones. Read on:

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS: LITTLE GREEN MEN AND SANTA on MARS! The critics have not been kind to this film over the years. Every time I view the film, I keep in mind that it is intended for children. With this in mind, I am willing to overlook the poor acting, bad make-up and cardboard sets. The title alone is so campy and kitsch that it grabs my attention immediately.

The children of mars have grown bored, depressed and discontent. A Martian father named Kimar, played by Leonard Hicks, concludes that the children of mars have become this way from watching “meaningless earth programs.” The children see a newscaster interview Santa on television from the North Pole and wish that mars also had a Santa Claus. The newscaster complains of the cold outside Santa’s workshop, yet he wears no gloves and his breath cannot be seen as he speaks. This adds to some of the unintentional humor of the film.

Back on mars, Kimar meets with the “council of the wise” at Thunder Forrest. The council consists of Lomas, Rigna, Hargo and Voldar, and seeks the advice of an 800 year old Wiseman named Chochum. Long before Yoda was seen on movie screens, Chochum the wise was seen in this film. Perhaps the two wise men knew each other and trained at the Jedi academy? Not very likely, I’m afraid!

Chochum suggests to the council of the wise that they kidnap Santa Claus from the North Pole and bring him to mars to bring joy and happiness to the children of mars. Voldar, the protagonist of the group, opposes Chochum’s plan. He insists that he does not want the children of mars to play with games and toys and run around joyfully. “The earth has had Santa Claus long enough! We will bring him to Mars!” proclaims Kimar.

Despite Voldar’s opposition, the group is lead by Kimar to the North Pole in a spaceship that looks like a painted toilet paper roll. Shortly after landing, they see two children in a park and ask them where they can find Santa. They kidnap the children so that they cannot run to the police to report Martians coming to earth.

After finally landing at the North Pole, the Martians use their giant robot named Torg to kidnap Santa at his workshop. Torg appears to be made of painted cardboard and ventilation pipes. Voldar freezes Mrs. Claus and many of Santa’s elves with his ray gun that looks like a toilet plunger. Santa is brought to the spaceship and taken back to mars.

What follows for the rest of the film is a series of attempts by Voldar and his henchmen to either kill Santa or sabotage his efforts on mars. For example, in one particular scene Voldar rewires the toy machines in Santa’s workshop so that they create poorly designed toys. On their way back to mars, Voldar locks Santa and the two kidnapped children in a compression room of the space ship in an attempt to open a door and have them sucked away into space. The group conveniently escapes before the door can be opened.

Eventually Santa’s workshop on mars is running smoothly. Voldar and his henchmen are captured and imprisoned by Kimar for threatening Santa and the children. Kimar decides to allow Santa to go back to earth in time for Christmas. A happy ending always concludes any Christmas movie, which is certainly the case with this film.

In his book “Cult Science Fiction Films,” Welch Everman suggests that Santa Claus Conquers The Martians is such a terrible film that not even children would enjoy watching it, and would find it “stupid.” I disagree with this statement. Although I did not see Santa Claus Conquers The Martians until I was an adult, I can imagine myself enjoying this film even more so if I had seen it as a five-year-old child. If I had been aware of it as a child, I may have included it in my long list of Christmas films to view every December. I encourage you to gather up your family and watch Santa Claus Conquers The Martians this Christmas Season.

And here’s my more brief take on "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."  (I love the above ad from the Nov. 4, 1972 Park Forest (Illinois) Star (Carnal Knowledge on at nights and Santa Claus in the kiddie matinee. — This 1964 film was shot in an abandoned airport hangar in Long Island, N.Y., using many minor cast members from a NYC stage production of "Oliver Twist." It has a catchy theme song, "Hurray for Santy (sic) Claus," that you'll hum afterward. The plot involves Martians coming to earth, kidnapping Santa and whisking him away to cheer up the Martian kiddies. Two earth children are kidnapped along with Santa. Santa and the earth kids fight off a Martian baddie, prep a goofy Martian to become that planet's Santa, and launch off to earth in the spaceship.

 

We never know if they made it home — perhaps the budget didn't allow that. The acting has to be seen to be believed, but the film has a goofy charm. It was a big hit on the now-gone "weekend matinee" circuit and played theaters for years. Pia Zadora, who was briefly a sexy starlet in the 1980s, plays one of the Martian children. John Call, as Santa, does a mean "ho, ho, ho."

---

Here is a video podcast Steve and I did for Plan9Crunch 11 years ago on SCCTM. Below is another fun ad, also from the Dec. 17, 1964 New Yotrk Daily News, that shows SCCTM playing at the same theater also showing "roughie" horrors "The Awful Dr. Orloff" and "The Horrible Dr. Hichcock."

Finally, a couple more ads to see. The top is from the Dec. 1, 1967 edition of the Roselle-Register (Illinois). It played at the same theater showing a Best Picture Oscar. Notice Santa Claus Conquers the Martians secure perch as a perennial Saturday children's movie. Below the Roselle-Register as is one from the Nov. 19, 1965 Daily Independent Journal of San Rafael, Calif. It's advertised as a "small-fry matinee."

We hope you enjoyed this blog. Again, our thanks to David Grudt for his help.

Newspaper mentions of Return of the Ape Man

 

This week at Plan9Crunch we re-visit Monogram with Bela Lugosi's "Return of the Ape Man." For a very long time this was a hard Lugosi poverty-row effort to find. I remember high-fiving after snaring a weak DVD-R duplicate via E-Bay. Of course now, you can buy the Blu-Ray, which I have done. My friend David Grudt and I have checked Newspaper Archives and Newspaper.com and found a healthy selection of ads and even reviews, no doubt from the film's PR department, though.

Here's a few ads. It was paired with many films, including an 'oater, Trail to Gunsight, many serials, including Perils of Nyoka, a comedy short, Wedded Bliss (I ended up acquiring a copy of that Columbia short), as well as a Universal ghost comedy, Ghost Catchers. Also Monogram ran it with an East Side Kids feature, Follow the Leaders, and other features of the glorious '40s. It even was paired with what must have been a re-issue, the mid 1930s Boris Karloff horror, The Walking Dead. The film also headlines a Halloween spook show!

Here is a review of Return of the Ape Man I posted in the past:

In “Return of the Ape Man,” one of Bela Lugosi’s final Monogram offerings, his deviously mad scientist, Professor Dexter, offers , with polite arrogance, this laconic remark at a fashionable party to another guest. “You know, some people’s brains would never be missed.” Shortly afterward, Dexter tries to prove it by luring the intended of his partner’s niece to his laboratory for an unwilling partial brain transfer to a reanimated, prehistoric “ape man.” Only the interference of partner Professor Gilmore, with the added persuasion of a gun, stops Dexter. “He might not die,” is Dexter’s defense.

If not for Lugosi, “Return of the Ape Man” would be virtually forgotten. Even John Carradine underplays his role as Gilmore to the point of near narcolepsy. The rest of the cast also seems to play their roles with lethargy. The script, frankly, is unimaginative, and cheats viewers of a climax with Bela’s character alive. But Lugosi’s Dexter is his second-best mad scientist role; only Dr. Vollin in 1935’s “The Raven,” surpasses Prof. Gilmore in mad, ethics-be-damned-crime-be-damned, obsession. Like Vollin, Gilmore is courtly, charismatic, dedicated and mad as a hatter in his desire to reanimate a primitive human and provide him a decent brain, at any cost.

Casual fans of the genre may not know that Lugosi played a mad scientist far more often on screen than he did a vampire. He has some great lines in “Return of the Ape Man.” They include: “Murder is an ugly word. As a scientist I don’t recognize it;” and “Fool, you’ll pay for this!” is Dexter’s angry retort when Gilmore stops him the first time. The too-passive Gilmore eventually becomes the subject of Dexter’s partial brain transplant, and the mad glee that fills the countenance of Lugosi’s Dexter is chilling and unforgettable. Do yourself a favor, Lugosi fans, see “Return of the Ape Man.

Now, here are a few newspaper "reviews" of the film and more ads.: One review is a "phooey" pan from then Hollywood columnist Jimmie Fidler.

Watch this film via YouTube here.

Bela Lugosi takes on Mother Riley through the newspaper ads

 

"Bela Lugosi versus Old Mother Riley," known in the United Kingdom as "Mother Riley Meets the Vampire," and 11 years later, as "My Son the Vampire" in the United States, has had a reputation as being a film that barely received a U.S. release. That's not completely true. It did fail to be released here in the '50s as "Vampire Over London," although YouTube has prints with that title. The film was an odd bill for Americans with Bela co-starring with British music hall artist Arthur Lucan playing his signature role. It had British references that would befuddle American audiences.

But as "My Son the Vampire," with an Allan Sherman song, it played second bill to a wide variety of films, including "nudie cuties" such as Merle Connell's "Not Tonight, Henry." (See above). A review I published in this blog is copied below: (Note the wide variety of top-heading films it was paired with. It even supported "Dr. Strangelove ...," as well as part of "Monsterama" multi showings).

---

LUGOSI'S FINAL BRITISH FILM ... is BETTER than many claim. In fact, it's the final film Bela Lugosi made where he looked healthy and in charge of the production. Its main weakness is that it's a unique bit of very low-brow British comedy that was popular from the 20s to the early 1950s. "Old Mother Riley" was an ugly, cockney, ignorant widow (played by actor Arthur Lucan in drag) who muddled herself into various ridiculous situations, dragging around her fatherless daughter, Kitty, played by Lucan's wife, Kitty McShane.

 

Lucan and McShane gained a reputation in music halls within the British provinces. They made a string of "Mother Riley" films that earned small profits in England but were not released in the U.S. By 1952, the series was about kaput, and Lucan and his wife were separated. Renown Pictures, which was producing Mother Riley films, noted the success of "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein," and used a Renown executive, Richard Gordon, to get Lugosi to make "Old Mother Riley Meets the Vampire." Gordon, a friend of Lugosi, had arranged a Dracula stage tour for Lugosi in England. For $5,000, Lugosi, well past his prime, was eager to make the film.

 

The plot involves Mother Riley getting her mail mixed up with a mad scientist named Von Housen (Lugosi) who thinks he's a vampire. Mother Riley gets a killer robot, Von Housen gets a bed warmer. Von Housen uses the robot to kidnap Mother Riley and take her to his mad scientist house, with sinister servants and secret passageways, etc. Von Housen, delighted to find out Mother Riley has his favorite blood type, serves her lots of rare beef and liver. Von Housen, also seeking uranium to build more robots, has kidnapped a young lovely (Maria Mercedes) and her boyfriend. The girl's dad apparently knows where to find uranium, or something.

It's often not too clear because this movie is not really a Lugosi film. It's a showcase for Lucan's manic Mother Riley, with her rapid dialect that is hard for Americans to understand. Lugosi plays well in the film. As he did in every film, he gave it his all. Lucan's humor is very corny and provincial. The final half of the film is comprised of Mother Riley trying to get the cops to believe her, a battle with the robot, and a wild chase through London. As many critics have mentioned, "Old Mother Riley Meets the Vampire" fails because it makes the bad guys, the "monsters," look ridiculous. "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein" succeeds because the monsters stay scary, and only the comedy stars do comedy. The director of the film was John Gilling, who later directed better films, including Hammer's "Plague of the Zombies." The role of a helpful maid, that might have gone to Lucan's estranged wife, Kitty McShane, was instead played by Dora Bryan, who later gained a measure of fame as a serious actress.

(The above two ads are from the July 14, 1964 Tucson, Ariz., Daily Citizen, researched by my friend David Grudt.) Gordon tried to pitch the film in the U.S. as "Vampire Over London," but there were no buyers. Lucan's Mother Riley act was too unique to British provinces for the U.S. market. Gordon also considered taking out all Mother Riley scenes and shooting new scenes with Lugosi for a film called "King Robot," but Lugosi's soon-declining health killed that idea.

 

In the early 60s, it was eventually released as "My Son the Vampire," with comedy singer Allan Sherman singing a song with that nonsensical title in the opening credits. That version, which omits a dark Lugosi chuckle at the beginning as well as the actor's screen credit, is what is sold in the U.S. today and plays on Turner Classic Movies. The original British version, which might be interesting for Lugosi completists, is available at Tubi. Sinister Cinema sells a print with the little-used "Vampire Over London" title. The credits at least include Lugosi's name, although there is no Lugosi chuckle.

I am indebted to my friend Grudt for finding this cool ad (below) from the Guardian London, Great London England newspaper of Sept. 18, 1952. It shows the film by its real title, "Mother Riley Meets the Vampire," and that it plays with a Joseph Cotton film. Also below, Grudt has researched an Oct. 27, 1951 snippet from The San Francisco Examiner notes that Lugosi in London preparing to shoot "Old (sic) Mother Riley Meets the Vampire."

 

A footnote: For many years a myth endured that Lugosi's 1952 British Dracula stage tour failed and the actor and his wife were left stranded and broke in London. The myth further states that he made "Old Mother Riley ..." just so he and his wife could have transportation fare to return home. That myth is still repeated in books and on Web sites. It's completely untrue. As authors Frank Dello Stritto and Andi Brooks recount in their book, "Vampire Over London: Bela Lugosi in Britain," the Dracula tour provided steady work for Lugosi -- who enjoyed good reviews -- in England for several months. It played the English provinces and suburbs of London. Its only failing was that it was not of enough overall quality to make the West End, Britain's Broadway. The "Old Mother Riley" film was in fact a bonus for Lugosi, a nice windfall -- he and his wife had already earned enough money to easily make it back to the states. Today, the film, under its "My Son the Vampire" title often airs on the retro Movies channel, usually in the early AM hours.

The Beast of Yucca Flats -- what was it paired with in theaters?

 

How about that clipping from November 1967 in Redlands, Calif. A triple bill of "spook" features, designed for the kids. Besides Wasp Woman and Madman (sic) of Mandoras (AKA They Saved Hitler's Brain) Beast of Yucca Flats was the third film, a role it usually played in its distribution history. I have to assume that if the show was for kids, the brief boobs scene at the beginning of Beast of Yucca Flats was edited out. 

I often wonder how the many ultra-cheap cult films were marketed? Where did they play and for how long. With my subscription to Newspaper Archives and a friend who has access to newspapers.com, Plan9Crunch has started an occasional series of films' clippings history.

As I noted in a past of Beast of Yucca Flats (below) Beast had a tough distribution go initially. The producers rented theaters in San Diego at first. But it had a small but steady distribution for a decade, almost always as a second or third feature. It played often on TV in the later '70s. Look at the interesting films it was paired with, including  Outlaw Riders, with Valda Hansen. Tony Cardoza was the producer of Outlaw Riders and also co-produced Beast. The Beast of Yucca Flats also played with The Mysterians.  The Newspapers and dates are below the clips. Note than an ad claims Beast is in "dazzling color." I have never seen a print of Beast that is in anything other than black and white. Have you? I think the whole "dazzling color" thing was a fib! 

Here is our review of this fun cult film. Trust me, you may gape when you first see it but it grows on you.

---

THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS

We need to give this ultra-cheap, kitschy 55-minute film its due -- it has persevered. It's gone from simple schlock to unique so-bad-it's-good cult film status. Heck, it even survived a MST3K riff. Here, for the record, is my several-year-old review after my first viewing.

Few films are as inept as The Beast of Yucca Flats. After watching it, I'm convinced that a talented group of ninth graders with a few thousand dollars and a long weekend could do a better job than Tor Johnson, Coleman Francis and company. (Nah, I take that back several years later) The plot? A woman is murdered. A defecting Russian scientist (Tor Johnson) is attacked in a desolate part of Nevada by communist agents. An atom bomb explodes. Tor is turned into a mutant beast who wants only to kill. Tor kills, then chases a hapless family through the Yucca Flats. Finally, two inept cops kill Tor. (Yeah, the plot is the same).

Be forewarned: The preceding plot summary is far more exciting than this dog of a film. (NOT TRUE ON RETROSPECT) There is virtually no action, (wrong) and when Tor is on the chase, his big, aging blubbery body inspires far more pity than fear. (Today I change pity to fascination; Tor looks ill and is very obese, but give him credit for lumbering around a very hot desert outdoor set) Francis shot the film without dialog, which was dubbed badly into the finished film. The viewer rarely sees lips move when actors speak. (This adds to a unique, other word-type surrealism to the film. No one seems to be looking at each other, even when they speak. In fact, for all his grunts, Tor the beast appears to be the best listener) Also, the self-pretentious Francis adds ridiculous, over-the-top narration, spoken like a man on LSD. My favorite meaningless phrase is "Flag on the Moon." (NOT TRUE ANYMORE: the bizarre narration adds to the film's outlandish plot and conspiracy. In this film, everyone looks disgruntled and depressed or lazy. I love the scene where one of the desert cops is roused from looks like a bout of morning sex with the missus or mistress. As he leaves, to narration, the broad in the bed gives him a look of utter disgust and cynicism. It somehow seems very appropriate for the bizarro world director Francis has unleashed.)

It merits three stars only because The Beast is Tor Johnson, whose always fun to watch bellow. Those who dare watch it should see the MST3K version. At least there's a few laughs. (Doug Gibson speaking: I must admit, adding to this a few years later after originally writing the review, the film has grown on me. It is bad, but unique and strangely watchable; a real cult film. I give it an extra star!) (and now I've added an extra star. (Also, I neglected in the original review to mention the nude scene prologue, which makes no sense. A young woman gets out of the shower. Sits down a very depressing cot-bed, and is squeeze-strangled to death by a fat, meaty hand that look like Tor's. But why, the good Dr. Javorsky has yet to be nuked? Ah, the intentional nonsensical plot of a cult cheapie!

Notes: Ed Wood actor Conrad Brooks has a small role; Cult figure Titus Moody helped with production; Coleman Francis directed three films spoofed by MST3K: Beast, Skydivers, and Red Zone Cuba; Francis' wife and sons were in the film. The non-MST3K version has a very brief nude scene. "Beast of Yucca Flats" is essentially a silent film, with narration and brief dialog, obviously recorded since you don't see the speaking actors' faces. The entire film can be seen on YouTube and is part of the UEN Sci-Fi Friday cycle of movies. (I'll add that this cheapie played the third or fourth bill of drive-ins and grindhouses for more than a decade -- I guess that nude scene paid off. I read somewhere that originally, the producers could not find a distributor so a movie house was rented in San Diego. Apparently, the film sold well here, and Tor was mobbed by fans.)

Film is here, grindhouse scene virtually edited out

Criswell the mystic local advice columnist, 1949-1951

Dead2Rights Ed Wood Wednesdays, that wonderful blog from Joe Blevins that provides in-depth analysis on all things Ed Wood, has a detailed, informative blog post on Criswell, predictor of the future, star of two Wood films and occasional Johnny Carson TV guest.

The blog post notes accurately that Criswell's sojourn with a measure of fame began around 1953. However, I am from Long Beach, Calif., and very long ago my now-deceased mother, while enduring a Plan 9 From Outer Space viewing with me, remarked, "I know that Criswell guy; he used to write a column in the (Long Beach) Press-Telegram. I saw it when I was barely a teen."

I often wondered about that, and recently I have become captive to the addiction of searching old newspaper clips. So, having signed up for Newspaper Archives, I searched for Press Telegram clips of that era. And lo and behold, Mom was right.

In his pre-salad days, Criswell penned a local column for the Press-Telegram. Here is a JPG of his column on Dec. 24, 1949. There he is in the upper left (smaller picture)

I am aware it is unreadable, and I hope to correct that soon. The thing is, unlike Newspapers.com, Newspaper Archive is more expensive, and very cumbersome to use, at least for this novice. I hope to post the column in readable clips soon. I just gotta learn. Newspaper Archive also does not automatically convert to JPG. Clicking on the JPG helps with reading, particularly the second column clip, below.

I have transcribed a small part of the article. Here is the Editor's Note: (not in caps)

EDITOR'S NOTE: THIS NEW PRESS-TELEGRAM FEATURE FROM J.K. CRISWELL HAS DRAWN SUCH A RESPONSE FROM READERS THAT SPACE THIS WEEK LIMITS PUBLICATION OF ALL THE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS. THE OTHERS WILL BE USED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

And here are a couple of questions, and answers from Criswell:

Q. Will this marriage last? Will my husband go into business for himself? Will I get that job that I have been after? A. Reader.

A. Both you and your husband have a definite mind of your own, and it is this creative quality in both of you that is causing the friction. I do not sense a break up of the marriage at the present time. Your husband will go into business for himself late in 1950. You will get that job only there will be a delay. You will always manage to come out rather nicely.

Here is another Q and A:

Q. My husband drinks too much and spends almost all he earns. Will he ever change or do you advise a separation? Should I seek employment? Will I be able to contact my son soon? Mrs. N. V. E.

A. Your husband will never change to any great extent and you must expect his periodic lapses from time to time. Later, you will change residences. You will work at a job you like during this coming year. You will hear from your son very soon.

Above is another JPG, of Criswell's Long Beach Press-Telegram column for Feb. 18, 1950. You'll note this is a Criswell Predicts now over the headline, which reads, Columnist Answers Readers' Questions. I do have this clipped to show only the column in its three columns. He has a longer introduction which notes his "record of predictions ... has been considered outstanding."

Here's is a couple of Q and As for our readers' enjoyment:

Q. What happened to my husband, Joe? Mr. J. L. C. 

A. I sense that Joe is out of your life.

Another one:

Q. Several years ago I married my boss, taking him from his wife. Now problem is to keep him as this new secretary of his is trying the same thing that I did. I have a lovely home and an easy time of it and don't want to give it up. What should I do? I married him to get out of secretarial work and now this immoral girl wants to do the same. Mrs. H. L. S.

A. The best thing for you to do at the present time is to suggest that you come back into his office as his secretary. You will be safe this time. See that the next secretary he hires is a man. He has wanted to take that trip to Europe and whether you like that a boat ride or not take that trip.

(I like the last sentence of Criswell's response because it seems him adding a prediction to his answer, unless it's a typo and should have been part of another answer).

At the top of this page is an old clip of from I think the Long Beach Independent, Sept. 26, 1950. This is for a Criswell personal appearance. Of the two clips below, one is an ad for a personal appearance, in the LB Independent for March 31, 1950. Note that Criswell did his show in between, or before movies playing at the theaters. That's a blast from a long-gone era.

The other is a what's-on-radio grid listing from May 30, 1950, same newspaper, and it's fascinating because it notes that Criswell, at that time, had a daily 15-minute radio program on KGER 1390.

(Thanks to my friend, David Grudt, for compiling these clips via Newspapers.com). I hope readers enjoy this looks at the work of folks around the Ed Wood circle. I love doing it.