Mesa of Lost Women is kitsch, but it has 'Tarantella'!

 

By Steve D. Stones 

Just how bad is Mesa of Lost Women? Well, I may be the wrong person to answer this question, since I’m a peddler of bad cinema. Even by my standards, Mesa of Lost Women is pretty bad. 

With two directors at the helm, Mesa should have turned out so much better. The growing cult surrounding the film may be a result of many principle players of the film having ties to Ed Wood. For example, Lyle Talbot, star of Wood’s Jail Bait, Glen or Glenda and Plan 9 From Outer Space, narrates the film. The annoying music score by Hoyt Curtin is used in both Mesa and Jail Bait. The lovely Dolores Fuller and Mona McKinnon star as spider girls. 

However, this film is much more difficult to watch than any Ed Wood film, which is saying a lot. Another cult aspect of the film has to do with the casting of George Barrows as a sanitarium nurse. Barrows is the actor who put on a gorilla suit and scuba helmet to star as Ro-Man in the infamous Robot Monster. Barrows went on to play another gorilla named Anatole in Hillbillies In A Haunted House. 

Jackie Coogan, who went on to star as Uncle Fester in The Adams Family television show, plays Dr. Arana. Arana conducts experiments in a secret laboratory in the Muerto Desert on beautiful women and spiders. Dr. Leland Masterson, the worst actor in the film, is invited to Arana’s lab to witness some of Arana’s experiments and findings. Arana explains to Masterson that he can inject beautiful women with a growth hormone from spiders, which makes the women become indestructible. Masterson accuses Arana of being mad, so Arana injects him with the growth hormone, which causes him to go insane. 

Somehow Masterson escapes Arana’s lab, ends up in a Mexican insane asylum and then escapes from the asylum in less than ten seconds of screen time. He then makes an appearance at a local Mexican cantina where he becomes infatuated with a pretty blonde, played by Mary Hill. The blonde is getting married later that evening to her much older fiancé. The two sit at a cantina table as Masterson joins them. Masterson’s nurse, played by George Barrows, then joins them at the table in an attempt to take Masterson back to the local sanitarium. 

(Mesa of Lost Woman usually played -- often in the southern United States -- on double bills as the second feature. Below are a couple of old newspaper clips of it in release. It served as a double feature to Barbara Payton in Bad Blonde in a drive in at the Wichita Daily Times, in Wichita, Texas. Note that in one clip, from the Greenville Daily Democrat in Mississippi, it is referred to as Lost Women. That was during its later re-release. In that clip Barbara Payton is not only mistakenly touted as a star in the film, her last name is misspelled. Above is an example of Mesa of Lost Women actually headlining at a southern states drive in in Lubbock Texas' Morning Avalanche.)

One of Dr. Arana’s spider girls named Tarantella, played by the beautiful Tandra Quinn, performs a very bizarre dance in front of the patrons in the cantina. In a fit of rage, Masterson kills Tarantella with a gunshot, and then takes the bride, her husband and Barrows hostage.

 

I could go on and on with the plot of Mesa of Lost Women, but you get the point in just how bad it is. It should also be noted that Howco Productions, that produced Mesa of Lost Women, also produced Ed Wood’s Jail Bait. This may be the reason why the Hoyt Curtain score is used in both films, and why many of the same actors are used. 

If Ed Wood had directed this film, I feel it would have turned out much better, which may not be saying much. At least the bad elements of an Ed Wood film are funny, campy and enjoyable to watch. The bad elements of Mesa of Lost Women could never rise to Ed Wood’s level of “bad cinema” excellence.

Dracula: Prince of Darkness -- Lee and Shelley shine in Hammer horror

 

Dracula: Prince of Darkness, 1966, 80 minutes, Hammer, Color. Directed by Terence Fisher. Starring Christopher Lee as Dracula, Barbara Shelley as Helen Kent, Andrew Keir as Father Sandor, Francis Matthews as Charles Kent, Suzan Farmer as Diana Kent, Charles ÿBudÿ Tingwell as Alan Kent, Thorley Waters as Ludwig, Philip Latham as Klove and John Maxim as the coach driver. Schlock-Meter rating: 9 stars out of 10.

This is a magnificent horror film. Two English couples are vacationing in Eastern Europe. They are warned by a priest (Keir, who is great) to stay away from Carlsbad, and above all, an unmarked castle. Of course, they ignore the priest's advice and enter the castle. There, with the help of an evil assistant (Latham), Count Dracula (Lee) is resurrected from dust and the night turns to terror for the couples.

The acting is superb, and director Fisher's economical pacing prevents the film from dragging and maintains suspense. Keir, as Father Sandor, is a great vampire hunter, and carries much of the film with his commanding presence. Barbara Shelley as the ill-fated Helen Kent, undergoes an effective transition within the film. The first half of the film she's a repressed, shrewish early-middle-aged wife. However, after falling prey to Dracula's curse, Shelley becomes a beautiful, passionate woman with full cleavage. She literally looks 15 years younger and deserves credit for pulling off the transformation. Waters as Ludwig, an imbecile who helps Dracula, is a capable Renfield clone, and Latham is sinister and eerie as Dracula's living servant Klove.

The film opens with a final shot from Hammer's classic The Horror of Dracula, where Peter Cushing destroys Lee's Dracula. It was the third Hammer Dracula film, but Lee's second playing the man with a cape. Lee produces scares, despite never uttering a word in the film. He is sinister, yet commanding. Not human, he prefers to communicate with snarls and shrieks of rage or triumph. I won't give away the entire ending, but Dracula meets his fate in a rather unusual manner.

One minor quibble: I wish the Hammer films were shot in black and white rather than color. I understand that it worked well in the 1960s, but today the Hammer films are a bit dated because of the color. They would appear fresher if black and white. The forest settings appear realistic and the castle is suitably creepy. It's a must-rent cult film. Better yet, buy it for your collection.

-- Doug Gibson

Godzilla 2000, a review

 

Godzilla 2000, 2000, about 90 minutes, color, Toho films, Japan Distributed in the U.S. by Columbia Tristar. Directed by Takao Okawara. Starring Kitagawa Tsutomo, Hiroshi Abe, Takehiro Murata, Mayu Suzuki and Shiro Sano. Rated PG. Rating on a scale of 10: 8. (Reviewed in 2009)

When I was a child, I saw a lot of Saturday matinee thrillers. I remember really enjoying reissues of the Marx Brothers' Go West and The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad. But I never saw a Godzilla film. I didn't lose any sleep over it as a child, but, when Toho's latest Godzilla flick, Godzilla 2000, opened in August (2000), I persuaded my skeptical wife to catch a matinee at one of those new mega-cinema mall (this place was showing over 30 films). 

So we settled down with some popcorn, and I put my feet up in the nearly empty theater and waited for some bad dubbing, some fairly cheesy monsters and Godzilla's distinct Japanese shriek. And that's exactly what I got. 

Godzilla is cheesy and at times ridiculous, but still, it's a lot of fun. It doesn't try to take itself seriously, and as a result, provides great Saturday matinee popcorn-gobbling fun. When it comes out in video, it's a must for cult fans to rent this film, microwave the popcorn, and catch it late night on the tube. 

Here's the plot: The Godzilla Prediction Network (I'm not making that name up) is in a race with Japan's Crisis Control Intelligence Agency to find Godzilla, who occasionally rampages the countryside. The Prediction wants to contain Godzilla and study the creature. The Crisis Control bureaucrats, led by one of the most stone-faced actors in film history, want to kill Japan's most famous beast. In between there's a nosy newspaper reporter trying to get the perfect photo of Godzilla. Somewhere in the middle of all this, a huge rock is lifted from the bottom of the sea to sunlight, thereby resurrecting a huge alien monster. 

Guess who gets the fight it? There are many moments of camp in this monster-fest. Besides the ridiculous dubbing and sometimes-poor Toho effects, the scene where the woman reporter is chewed out by her editor is fun to watch. It seems she was too close to the Godzilla, and the radiation wipes out a good print! The final, dubbed line in the film is a howler, and I won't give it away. 

There's a lot of action, and a lot of Godzilla in Godzilla 2000, and that makes it a winner and a must-see for cult film lovers. As mentioned, after it leaves theaters, it's best seen late at night, with beer or pop and a lot of popcorn. You'll laugh a lot, but you'll also enjoy the story, and the energetic rubber monsters flailing away. After watching this film, I'm sure Toho will bring back the big guy for a sequel every few years. 

Editor's note: In the decade-plus after this film Toho and America made some impressive big-budget Godzilla/King Kong films.

-- Doug Gibson

Christmas films that are a holiday joy to watch, we bloggers give readers our favorites

Hello Plan9Crunch readers, in honor of the holidays, bloggers Steve D. Stones and I, Doug Gibson, offer readers our five favorite Christmastime films. We hope you enjoy reading our picks and perhaps you will sample one or two as Christmas day approaches. So, here we go!
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Doug Gibson’s list of favorite Christmas/holiday-themed films
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1). “A Christmas Carol,” 1951: “Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge. a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster”  Simply put, Alastair Sim best represents Scrooge as depicted by Charles Dickens.  His redemption after visits from three spirits is also the best, most joyfully portrayed on film. Old screen veterans Kathleen Harrison and Ernest Thesiger also add spice and cheer to this adaptation.

2). “A Christmas Carol,” 1984: George C. Scott’s portrayal of London’s meanest businessman is superb, and just a tad below Sim’s definitive portrayal. Scott gives Scrooge a faint of air whimsy and humor, even when he’s coveting pennies within sight of beggars. To be fair to Scott, it translates well to the screen. Edward Woodward, as an imposing, scolding Ghost of Christmas Present, is the best Christmas ghost captured on the screen.

3). “Going My Way,” 1944: Bing Crosby, as Father Chuck O’Malley is a joy for Christmas, mixing wonderful songs with a story about a talented young priest called to a struggling to secretly help a grizzled old veteran priest, Father Fitzgibbon, (wonderfully played by Barry Fitzgerald) back on its financial feet. Perhaps no other film captures life in the heart of NYC so well. The finally scene, in which Father Fitzgibbon is reunited with his mother after a half-century, will cause the driest cynic to tear up.

4). “Miracle on 34^th Street,” 1947: This witty tale of Santa Claus on trialbasically made Edmund Gwenn iconic as who Santa Claus is. The most tear-inducing scene is Gwenn’s Santa speaking Dutch with a WW2 orphan girl at Macy’s. There are two main threads in this marvelous slice-of-NYC life film. The first involves a witty court fight to legitimize Gwenn’s Santa. The second is Gwenn’s quiet but effective campaign to teach a cynical mom and her impressionable daughter the true spirit of Christmas.

5) “The Shop Around the Corner,” 1940: I love this Christmas film, where two shop clerks, who initially actually have a history of disliking each other, share love notes as anonymous pen pals. Jimmy Stewart is great as the male lead, and Margaret Sullavan is beautiful as the shopgirl. This is based on a Hungarian play, and is set in “Budapest,” which looks like the most beautiful city on Earth.

Steve D. Stones’  list of favorite Christmas/Holiday themed films
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1). Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964). This favorite pick is predictable, but how can anyone resist a Christmas movie with dopey characters named Drop-O, Keemar, Voldar, Girmar and Bomar? The acting, dialogue, make-up, sets and costumes are amateur, at best, but the film has a lot of heart. John Call in the role of Santa Claus is irresistible, and may be the only convincing character in the entire film. Watch for the cheap spaceships designed from toilet paper rolls and toilet plungers are used as ray guns.  No toilet humor is involved. The green Martian make-up is lightly applied to many of the actors, likely for lack of budget. Don’t miss it! See Doug Gibson and I review this film as a video-cast on this web-site.

2). Die-Hard (1988). Yes, believe it or not, this box office action yarn can be considered a “Christmas movie.” Not since Sylvester Stallone played John Rambo in “First Blood” (1982) has Bruce Willis’ John McClane action hero had such great appeal to mass audiences.  His famous “Yippy-Ki-Yah-Mother-Fu*#er” line has become a staple of popular cinema culture. McClane takes on a group of European terrorists on Christmas Eve who have seized a high rise building in Los Angeles.  The result is a dynamite, edge of your seat action film that never lets up, and allows the audience to cheer for the killing of every bad guy McClane chalks up on his arm with a marker. Willis is perfect in this role, and went on to make three more in the series. This is a film where you’ll find yourself cheering for police and law enforcement.

3). Scrooge (1935). Although there have been many screen adaptations with larger budgets of Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” classic, this one is a particular favorite of mine because it was the first VHS video I ever bought with my allowance money when I was 13. The dated, worn out look of the film helps add to its nostalgic quality.  Ebenezer Scrooge is played by Sir Seymour Hicks, who also co-wrote the script. Hicks is perfectly cast. The film is as poverty looking as its subject matter, but is worthy of a viewing just to see what one of the first screen adaptations of this Dickens classic looks like. Most public domain prints run 58 minutes, but an extended version runs over 80 minutes. Even the 58 minute versions list the film length on the box cover as 83 minutes. Don’t be fooled by this.

4). Black Christmas (1974). It has often been said that John Carpenter’s 1978 film – “Halloween” ushered in the so-called “slasher” horror films of the 1980s. Halloween owes a great deal to this holiday horror feature. Beautiful Olivia Hussey plays a college girl with boyfriend problems living in a sorority house, who is terrorized on Christmas Eve by threatening phone calls. The phone caller-killer is never shown on screen, adding to the suspense. He hides in the attic of the sorority house, which makes perfect since, considering how cold it is outside on Christmas Eve. The film was also marketed as Silent Night, Evil Night and Stranger In The House.

5). Santa Claus (1959). Not to be confused with the 1994 Tim Allen movie, or the 1985 Dudley Moore film of the same title, this bizarre 1959 Mexican import is notorious for VHS prints that cut out scenes involving the devil. Santa Claus also shows scenes of children from different countries
singing Christmas carols in their native languages at Santa’s workshop at the North Pole. The film has a moral tale to warn children not to steal the toys they want just because their parents may not have the money to buy them for Christmas.  It’s not known why public domain prints cut out all the scenes of the devil, but those scenes depict the devil as playful and ridiculous and are an important part of the film. Perhaps the scenes were cut so as not to scare children?