Steve's take on Best Worst Movie

BEST-WORST MOVIE: The dentist will see you now!

By Steve D. Stones

Just how does a popular and beloved dentist from Alabama, who also happens to star in the 1980s cult classic Troll II, spend his day? That is the subject of Michael Stephenson’s excellent documentary “Best-WorstMovie.” The documentary also focuses on the fanatical fan following of Troll II, and many interesting interviews of eccentric cast members. Dr. George Hardy is a great highlight of the documentary.

I remember seeing Troll II playing late one summer night on cable TV in the early 1990s. I didn’t think much of it, and immediately switched the channel. “This movie really stinks,” I remember thinking to myself. Boy
was I wrong! Now after seeing it a dozen times or so and becoming a big fan, I realize my initial judgment was too harsh and quick.

The great thing about “bad movies” is that they cannot be intellectually defended as great entertainment, or even great works of art, for that
matter. However, they are like a sick lost puppy that you want to take
home and nurse back to health, even though you know the pup will never
survive. You learn to develop a personal “taste” for “bad movies” over
time. Fans of Troll II have definitely nursed it back to health, and it
has survived as a cult phenomenon.

Best-Worst Movie is a documentary that even non-cultists can enjoy,
although it does help to be a fan of Troll II. It is truly amazing to
see that screenings of the film in big city venues in recent years have
sold out to standing room only crowds. The collectibles associated with
the film, such as t-shirts, buttons and posters have also done quite
well. I’m happy to report that I’m a proud owner of a Troll II-NILBOG
Invasion poster from the Morgan, Utah Festival last summer in 2008. I
proudly hang it in my living room.

Best Worst is full of many humorous and insightful moments that hold the
viewer’s attention. Dr. Hardy roller-skating as the tooth fairy is one
particularly hilarious moment. He walks into a local video store and
asks the clerk behind the counter where he can find a copy of Troll II
to rent. The clerk informs him that “It’s in the Holy F*cking Sh*t
section.” Now that is funny!! I just about spit my dinner everywhere as
I was watching this scene.

While attending a horror movie convention to promote Troll II, Dr. Hardy
observes that many horror fans walking around have a bad case of
gingivitis. His dentist instincts seem to follow him everywhere he goes.
He also becomes gravely sickened by many of the displays by vendors at
the convention. He tells the cameraman at the airport that he’s glad
director Claudio Fragasso is not around so that he can steal the
spotlight for the day. This is one funny and interesting man! Everyone
loves him, even his ex-wife.

As the documentary comes to an end, Dr. Hardy reveals some truthful and
insightful information. He tells us that he has grown tired of repeating
and acting out his now famous “You can’t piss on hospitality! I won’t
allow it” line from the film. He goes on to say that it has become too
boring and predictable for him to recite that line over and over again
for fans, and wonders if Celine Dion feels the same way in singing the
theme song for Titanic thousands of times. I would have to say that I
have every intention of watching Best-Worst Movie over and over again,
and will enjoy it every time I view it. I hope you will enjoy it too.

To watch Troll 2 go to http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi925106201/

Best Worst Movie is coming to SLC!!!

This Friday and Saturday "Best Worst Movie," Michael Stephenson's funny, quirky look at the cult film Troll 2, which he starred in as a kid, will be at the Tower Theater in SLC as part of the Salt Lake City Film Festival. It plays Friday at 7 p.m. and Saturday at 12:30 p.m. Saturday night "Troll 2" plays at 9:30 p.m. For more info, go to:

http://www.saltlakecityfilmfestival.com/schedule.html

I (Doug Gibson) reviewed the film today in the Standard-Examiner:

http://www.standard.net/live/opinion/topofutahvoices/180254/

Here's a trailer to "Best Worst Movie" below:

Cat-Women of The Moon

CAT-WOMEN OF THE MOON: Curvy Cuties In Black Tights

By Steve D. Stones

Here is another film that ranks in the top five “worst movies of all
time” according to most reputable film critics. Like Robot Monster, this
film was released in some theaters as a 3-D film in the early 1950s.
Rhino Home Video released a VHS print of the film in the mid-1990s
containing two pairs of 3-D glasses. The 3-D effect is ineffective, but
as a collector, it’s a real treat to have the glasses as a part of your
video collection.

A space expedition on board Moon Rocket 4 is sent to explore the surface
of the moon. Pretty navigator Helen, played by Marie Windsor, is
experiencing telepathic messages from a group of cat women from the
moon’s surface. The cat women inform Helen where to land on the moon.
She instructs the crew, lead by veteran actor Sonny Tufts, to land on a
specific spot near some caverns. There the crew encounters a cheesy
giant rubber spider, which is seen in many low budget 1950s sci-fi
movies.

Helen leads the crew to an ancient underground moon civilization
inhabited by cat women dressed in black tights. According to the opening
credits, the cat women are played by the Hollywood Cover Girls. Each one
is named after a letter in the Greek alphabet, such as Alpha, Zeta and
Lamda. Apparently the Ancient Greeks were capable of space travel and
somehow made their way to the moon to influence the culture of the cat
women. I thought space travel didn’t happen until the mid-20th century?
Guess I was wrong.



The cat women are hospitable towards the crew and take an immediate
liking to the three male members. Little do the men realize that the
women are trying to obtain information from them on how to operate the
rocket ship so they can leave their dying civilization. They have no
desire to mate with the men, but only to obtain information from them.

It’s interesting to note that this film was remade at least three times
during the 1950s as Missile To The Moon, Fire Maidens of Outer Space and
the notoriously awful Queen of Outer Space with Zsa Zsa Gabor. Why
anyone would want to remake a turkey like this is anyone’s guess, but
fans of low-budget, grade Z movies, like myself, love seeing attempts at
remakes. Composer Elmer Bernstein created the music for this film and
Robot Monster. Special effects veterans Al Zimbalist and Jack Rabin are
also credited. Don’t miss the tacky cat women dance about half way into
the film. It’s well worth the price of admission!

ROBOT MONSTER: Hu-Mans Rule the Earth!!

By Steve D. Stones

Despite the fact that most film critics place Robot Monster in the top
five “worst movies of all time,” I rather enjoy this film and find it to
be entertaining. I first bought a video copy of this film in the
mid-1990s released by Rhino Video, which came with two pairs of 3-D
glasses. My Rhino Video copy of Cat Women of The Moon also came with
the glasses. Apparently the film had been released in the 1950s in some
theaters as a 3-D film. This was a gimmick used by film producers to get
moviegoers away from their television sets at home and back into the
movie theaters. Don’t be fooled by the 3-D copy of the film. The effect
does not work and actually gives me a headache every time I put on the
glasses to watch the film. Nevertheless, as a collector, I treasure any
extra items that come with DVD and VHS copies of films I collect.

The plot of the film is told from the perspective of little Johnny,
played by Gregory Moffett. Johnny and his sister are playing spaceman
near the Bronson caves (a location that seems to appear in about 99
percent of all cult sci-fi films of the 1950s). Here they meet two
archeologists working in the caves. Johnny asks his mother and older
sister if the two archeologists can join them in a family picnic. After
the picnic, the group takes a nap on the picnic blanket.


Soon, Johnny wakes up from his nap and discovers that dopey looking
aliens resembling gorillas with a scuba helmet for a head have wiped out
the earth’s population. The leader is Ro-Man, played by George Barrows
in a gorilla suit, who communicates with his boss, The Great Guidance,
through mirror on a child’s dresser. Apparently The Great Guidance has
wiped out the human race with a “calcinator ray” from a distant planet.
The alternative title for this film is: Monster From Mars, so we have to
assume that Ro-Man and The Great Guidance are from Mars.

Although Ro-Man is supposed to be of a higher intelligence and possesses
greater technology than we Hu-Mans, his cave consists of a ridiculous
bubble machine that blows bubbles everywhere when he communicates with The Great Guidance. Some critics have suggested that the bubble machine used in this film is the same one used for the Lawrence Welk TV Show, but I don’t think anyone has officially confirmed this for certain. Some have also suggested that the co-producer-director, Phil Tucker, attempted suicide shortly after the premiere of the film.

The Rhino Video copy of this film contains some strange additions that
are not seen in other prints of the film. For example, when Ro-Man
kidnaps Alice, played by Claudia Barrett, he ties her up and rips her
blouse open. The Rhino print has a black censor bar that appears across
her chest as Ro-Man rips her blouse. The Image Entertainment and
Sinister Cinema prints of this film do not contain the black censor bar
across her chest. There is no reason to include the black censor bar
because nothing explicit is shown in the original print. Why it was
added by Rhino Video is anyone’s guess.

Another strange addition is when Ro-Man is communicating with Johnny’s
family through the mirror communicator. When Alice steps up to the
communicator to talk to Ro-Man, suddenly we can hear someone say in a
quiet voice: “Hmmm, perhaps I should try to make a date with the girl?”
This line of dialogue is not heard in the Sinister Cinema and Image
Entertainment prints of the film. Die-hard collectors like myself always
savor little details like this that vary from one print to another.

If you are able to find any Rhino Video copies of Robot Monster for sale
with the 3-D glasses, I would suggest that you purchase a copy,
especially if you are a serious collector. If not, the Image
Entertainment and Sinister Cinema copies are also worth having. These
two copies do not contain the 3-D effect and glasses, however. The
Image Entertainment DVD does have a theatrical trailer of the film. Happy viewing!!!